Let's face it: We live in a culture where judging others tends to be the norm. Whether we are people watching, reading the latest celebrity gossip or chatting with our coworkers about the new guy, we all fall victim to these judging tendencies at times.
Dating is certainly no exception. When you meet someone new, a slew of conscious and unconscious judgments rise to the surface.
Sometimes this can be helpful. There is something to be said for having great instincts and intuition about a person's true nature. If you are strongly sensing something is off about a man, you should go with that feeling.
On the other hand, sometimes women are way off-base with how they perceive men. This is especially true when it comes to the perception of men in society who are constantly dating different women.
There is a terrible stigma tied to these men. If a man dates many women and is single past a certain age, women often make the assumption that he must be flawed in some way, a womanizer or a man that refuse to grow up. Women will then label these men as guys who are not serious candidates for long-term relationships.
This makes perfect sense from the outside looking in. From the woman's point of view, she sees the picture of a man who is constantly dating and attempting to pick up women, while other men his age are home with their families partaking in more "adult activities."
But how fair is it to label men who constantly date new women in a negative way?
Appearances can be deceiving.
Today, I am going to attempt to debunk a few generalizations that women tend to make about men who date a lot of women.
1. Men who date a lot of women usually have bad intentions.
There is a double standard in society when it comes to dating a lot of people. When women embark on an endless journey of dates, society often sympathizes with them, attributing their lack of success to the cliché that there are no decent men out there. The woman is often viewed as the victim who just can't catch a break.
When men engage in the same behavior, the perception is that these men are womanizers, unable commit, flawed or solely out for sex.
Women tend to mentally write these types of men off. This is not always fair.
The reality is that many men date multiple women for the same reasons women date a lot of men. They are looking for "the one." A lot of these perceived players are simply playing the numbers game, hoping to find that special someone as quickly as possible so that they don't have to endlessly date anymore.
While women sometimes assume these men are playboys who are having the time of their lives, in reality, most of these men are exhausted and would love nothing more than to settle down with the right girl. They just have not found the right woman yet and will keep trying until they do.
2. Mistaking self-worth for the inability to commit.
One fundamental difference between high-quality men and low-quality men is that men of high quality have a higher sense of self-worth.
Quality men know that they deserve the best life has to offer. They aren't going to just settle down with any pretty face because they know they deserve the best that life has to offer, not just whatever life has to offer.
These men know that there is a difference between an amazing girl and an amazing girl who is right for them.
They may stay single for years, knowing that at some point they will find what they are looking for. It is not a fear of commitment that keeps these men from settling down; it is a high sense of self-worth and the determination not to settle.
3. Assuming men who break things off after a few weeks were only after sex.
When men end short-term relationships after a few weeks, many women assume that they were being used for sex. This is another common generalization women make that is not always true.
If a man has only been on three or four dates with you in an entire month, he very well might be using you for physical relations. However, if a man puts in two or more dates per week, this is definitely not the case.
Time is valuable for high-quality men, as they tend to have a lot going on in their lives. The last thing they want to do is waste a month or two of valuable time for the sake of a conquest.
The reality is that when high-quality men date a woman for a few weeks or more it is because they consider these women special. These men genuinely want to give the relationship a shot and see if their feelings will grow into something more.
Unfortunately, this doesn't always work out. When high-quality men give the relationship a fair shot and it still doesn't feel right, they don't stay with women just for the sake of being with someone. They will try to do the right thing for both parties by ending the "mini relationship" sooner, rather than later.
The real motivation for cutting things off is that these men don't want to waste time with the wrong person before it evolves into something more serious. They would rather go back to pursuing "the one," despite the fact that their lives will likely be worse off in the short run.
Bottom line: Be careful with the generalizations that you make before dismissing someone. Remember, you can't always judge a book by its cover. Sometimes the men who seem like a horror story on the surface are really a romance waiting to happen.
Joshua Pompey is a relationship expert, helping men to succeed with online dating in countries all over the world. Visit his site, Free orthodox christian datingwhere you can download two free chapters of his online dating guide, The REAL Online Game. Click Girl just wants to be friends after dating for free advice.
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